If age 39 seems a little young for Matt Damon to receive a lifetime achievement award, don't worry — they came to bury The Bourne Identity star, not to praise him.
Robin Williams, George Clooney, Clint Eastwood, Ben Affleck, and late-night host Jimmy Kimmel transformed the honor from American Cinematheque into more of a roast than an earnest tribute. A lot will have to be bleeped out when it all airs later on ABC (the date hasn't yet been specified.)
Charlize Theron, who co-starred with Damon and Will Smith in 2000'sThe Legend of Bagger Vance, pointed out that it was "the only Will Smith movie that didn't make, like, a gajillion dollars. Later, I was reunited with Will Smith in Hancock — which did great! So... it must've been you, Matt."
The award was finally given to him by lifelong friend Ben Affleck, whose wife, Jennifer Garner, described Damon as "my darling husband's darling husband."
Damon responded by making Affleck hold the trophy beside him while he read his acceptance speech — firing back at everyone who had just mocked him, with one exception: "I'm not going to (expletive) with Clint Eastwood."
"Ben, my hetero-lifemate," he said. "You're my best friend, and there's nobody in the business I hold in higher regard. I can honestly say that next year, at this time, Ben could be here... presenting this award to someone else."
Damon’s table (which included his parents, brother, and wife, along with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner) didn’t seem too interested in sitting and eating either, as they stood and chatted happily before the official proceedings. Damon and his wife, Luciana, held hands constantly, while Ben and Jen whispered into each other’s ear, with Garner giving Affleck an affectionate stroke under his chin.
Charlize Theron, who appeared with Damon in "The Legend of Bagger Vance," took on a more serious tone when she talked about Damon's work for Water.org, a nonprofit organization co-founded by Damon that assists developing countries in providing safe drinking water for all. "He uses his influence carefully," she said.
Jennifer Garner thanked Damon for his wife Lucy, "for keeping us sane," while their husbands talk endlessly about their beloved Red Sox. Garner also described Damon and Affleck's relationship as "one of the greatest love stories ever told."
Affleck presented his buddy of 30 years with the Cinematheque award."Who would imagine Matt would be here tonight?" Affleck asked. "No one."
Accepting the award, Damon said that "this is way too much attention for one person" and then proceeded to skewer everyone who had roasted him that night.